When You Are Misunderstood

We've been misunderstood many, many times.  Most of us have.  You say something only for it to be misinterpreted or misunderstood.  You do something and the motive is questioned.  We've personally been misunderstood on our motives to be involved with foster care, move out of state, be involved in ministry, how we raise our kids, our choice of homeschooling, God's timing in our lives, our forms of communication, the strength of our marriage, finances, along with a lengthy list of others over the years.

Many people will assume they know more about your life than you do.  They are looking from the outside, in.  When others don't understand or want to know why you are doing what you're doing, they many times try to fit the limited pieces of information they have together to form a picture in their mind.  They may feel they know better than you.  They cannot comprehend what it is you are doing, so they fill in the gaps with false information, and their own limited knowledge of your life and history, in hopes of trying to figure it out and resolve it in their own minds.

True friends and family will really listen and try to make sense of what you are saying.  If they don't understand, they will ask questions with a sincere heart.  They will discover with you, they will pursue with you.  They will take what you say to heart, and then support you in your endeavors, provided they are not contrary to God's Word.  They can challenge you according to scripture, yes! but should not doubt and question you or your motives when you share what God has shown you, unless you are blatantly going against God's Word.  Job's friends misunderstood his relationship with God, berated him, and tried to pull him down in his darkest times, telling him there was un-repented sin.  Joseph's family misunderstood his dreams, refused to listen to him, and ended up selling him into slavery, which eventually is how they were saved from drought.  David, a man after God's own heart, was highly misunderstood, so much so that they were trying to kill him.  Jesus was misunderstood and it cost him his life in exchange for ours.

The world likes to offer worldly advice.  When you are sure God is leading you somewhere, God is moving in your life, or God has spoken to you, no human on this earth has the power to say you are wrong, tell you you are going against God, or to stop you.  You have the power of the living God on your side!  He has spoken to you!  He has given you direction!  He is moving you and changing you!  Be at peace and follow his lead no matter how long he takes to accomplish it.

Friends and family that cannot accept God's will for your life will attempt to assume God's role to tell you what you're supposed to be doing, that you are in error, or make you question God or His timing.  This is the enemy at work.  There is someone there to sweet-talk you out of doing something God is clearly telling you to do.  Or to sweet-talk you into doing something you aren't supposed to do.  Either way, when God speaks clearly to us, it doesn't matter if man can accept it or not.  We trust and obey, whether we are misunderstood or not.  We stand strong in His strength (1 Corinthians 16:13).  We should evaluate ourselves to be sure we are in God's will (2 Corinthians 13:5-6), then, as the Penguins of Madagascar would say, "Just smile and wave, boys.  Smile and wave."  Or as Jesus would say, "Turn the other cheek."  Matthew 5:38-40 says, "You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well."  This demonstrates compassion, not retaliation.  We are to let God have the vengeance and we are called to love.  Not be led astray, against God's will for our lives, but to love those people that hurt us, misunderstand us, and cannot accept what God is doing in us, and forgive them.

Your true body of believers, the ones God chose for you to walk with on your Christian journey, will accept God's will for you, and encourage you.  They will stand with you and help you on your journey, no matter how long it takes.  They will pray for you and not belittle.  They will encourage and not discourage.  They will acknowledge God has spoken to you and help you get to your destination.  

Don't worry.  Your reputation belongs to God.  He will restore you (1 Peter 5:10).  He will fight for you (Exodus 14:14).  You have only to listen, trust, and obey (Proverbs 3:5-6).  He knows your hurt from misunderstandings and He's there to help you push through and walk forward.  Your identity is in Him.  When others see God working in your life, and what He did in and through you, you don't have to worry what the few will say.  Your life will speak volumes to those who were blinded from seeing the light in you.  Be faithful in your pursuits of Jesus.

13 Things I Wish I Knew Before Our First Foster Care Placement

We've only had three placements to date.  We are no experts by any means, but we have learned quite a bit in our first few placements.  First of all, we are in the process of some bigger life changes, so we are taking a break and regrouping before starting again.  Starting again?  Are we crazy?  Nope...just following the leading of the Holy Spirit.  We were told to go down this path of foster care/adoption, and that's what we're doing!

Our placements were hard, difficult, and made us want to quit.  Our friends and family didn't understand.  We were stressed a lot.  To be fair, my husband had been in a car accident and was in a lot of pain, leaving a lot of the home chores to me.  He had surgery the month after our first two placements.  Talk about stressful!  Aaaaaand......we're doing it all over again.  Hopefully without the car accident and surgery this time around.

With that, I will include a few things I wish I knew before our first placement.  I don't know if these weren't told to us, or we just didn't get it or hear it at the time, but here are some things I wish we would have known:

1. Practice what you'll initially say to a new little one, but be prepared for them to not respond the way you envision.  When we picked up our first placement, he was uninterested that we were even there.  The second placement just talked and talked all the way home, without me getting a word in and then did his own thing without me ever really officially greeting him.  The third one started acting up immediately without a word.  Each child will respond differently to their situation and circumstance, and process it differently.  We introduced ourselves by our first name, unless they decided they wanted to call us something different.  
2. There will be more appointments and visits and more appointments that you would ever dream possible.  In our state of California (county of L.A.), you have to take the child in for a well-visit exam within seven days of them being placed with you.  You need to take them to the HUB for their exam, where you don't know if you'll get seen today or not.  Think of an Urgent Care system where you are lowest priority.  Visits with bio-parents are typically a minimum of once a week for a few hours.  You'll need to drive them there (wherever they determine "there" should be) and pick them up again after.  There are visits with the social workers in your home or maybe away often.  Most of the time, there are daily phone calls for the child to connect with their bio-parents that you need to monitor as well.  Basically your time is not your own.  
3. You may have social worker visits in your home right away, or rarely.  Don't be scared by either outcome.  If you go through an agency, they will check your home regularly to make sure it is maintained.  We're not talking laundry and dishes, we're talking smoke alarms, milk in the fridge, food in the pantry, nothing harmful around the home, chemicals are put away, meds are locked up, etc.  With our first placement, the boys' social worker never did visit our home.  The second one we had two visits.
4. It can feel very unofficial.  "Hey!  Can you go pick up this child from another foster home?  Just text us when you have him."  Our first placement was at least in the office.  That felt a little more official, except you walk out with another child you are now responsible for, grasping your hand.  Our second placement we picked up from another foster home and texted our social worker when he was in our care.  The third placement was delivered to our home.  A friend told us he picked a foster child up from Denny's once.  You just never know where and when these transfers will occur.
5. You'll need to stand up for yourself.  A lot.  We were initially advised not to, and then told we should never have to monitor the bio-parents' visits.  That changed.  The bio-parents were only available on Sundays.  Sundays were the only days we had said were off limits.  We compromised right off the bat....bad mistake.  Because no social workers were available on Sundays, it was then up to us to monitor these three-hour-long visits and watch them interact, making notes.  This put us in a very awkward position to have to tell the bio-parents not to do something, or get off of their phone, or not to feed them so much sugar.  The parent that birthed this child is being "scolded" for lack of a better word, by the foster parents.  Don't compromise for your own sake and sanity.  And don't agree to monitor visits.  Just words of wisdom there.
6. It takes awhile for a child to adjust.  There is what they call the honeymoon period that usually lasts about three months or so.  Initially they will be fairly good, but as they get comfortable, they start to act up.  And they don't have a lot of information on when they get to go home, so their situation starts to seem permanent and they just don't get it.
7. Speaking of information, be prepared to not get the full scoop, for misinformation to come your way more often than not, and for communication to be non-existent.  Social workers do not reveal all of the details of the case to foster parents.  If they do share, they may outright lie right to you.  Take information shared with a grain of salt, and know that you are there to watch the child and help get them to reunification.  Details of the case are kept hidden.
8. Unless you have a specific age range, you will rarely be 100% prepared for everything you need.  Clothes sizes won't be exactly what they need, diaper sizes might be different, shoes, supplies, and comfort items will be different than what you planned.  Our first placement loved Mickey Mouse.  Once we discovered this, we put a lot of Mickey items in his room.  Plan a trip to the store right after you pick up your child.  Let them pick out something special to them.
9. Your things will be destroyed. If you value grandma's vase, you might want to put that away.  Kids are kids.  And kids who don't know the rules (or know them and ignore them), will break them.  They can be rough and rowdy.  We've had wood chairs snapped, holes in our door, holes in the wall, pee all over the carpet, broken nic-nacs, and plenty of other items that were destroyed.  
10. They may be your friend one minute, and your enemy the next.  They've been through so much and you don't know what will remind them of a negative situation or memory or a positive one.  Be prepared for outbursts (in the middle of the store with you on the floor hugging them, trying to comfort them) and sad moments (when they cry on their bed but refuse to be comforted).  
11. Social workers are very overwhelmed.  Don't be surprised if they don't respond right away, or ever.  Keep at it.  They will try to make you do things you don't want to or that are just outright unfair.  They have so much going that they don't necessarily care about your schedule or what is inconvenient for you.  Speak up for yourself.  Be nice but firm.
12. You'll fall in love.  You'll soon realize these kids need so much love.  Regardless of their home situation, they need a hug (if they'll let you), words of affirmation, and extra attention.  
13. Your friends won't understand why you are doing this to yourself.  Some may say you must be doing this for the money.  Some may tell you they could never do this.  Some will look at you with pity.  Some may just shake their heads.  You'll question yourself and your abilities at some point.  You'll want to give up.  But when you feel as if you can't go on, that is exactly what these kids need...someone who won't give up on them, even when it's hard beyond what you think you are capable of.  They need someone to care, to cry when they leave, to be sad they are gone, to pray for them.

While I realize a lot of these points are negative, my guess is if you are considering foster care, you already have the compassion side ready to go.  Take these points to heart, but keep your compassion for the little ones in your care.  Love on them, let them know they are special and wanted.  Keep your passion, but be aware that there are challenges ahead as well. 

Why Is There A Cracker On My Light? And Other Head Scratchers

"Why is there a cracker on my light?"  I asked today.  "I don't know," one of them offered, "Maybe the bird took it up there."  The bird?  As in our pet bird?  The one that probably weighs less than the cracker itself?

No, my dear son.  It wasn't the bird.  But asking who did it will only lead to blank stares.  It's like an unspoken code between the three of them to not rat the other one out.  They have probably crawled into one of their many forts together and had a #brocode meeting where they swear to each other not to tell Mom who does what.  Leave her guessing.  Yes, that is how we'll survive.  To get in to the club, you must do one random thing to drive her crazy.  "Oh!  I know!  Go stick a cracker on the light!  That should do it.  We got your back, bro."

Is this a battle I need to win?  What does it matter that it's there as long as one of the culprits gets it down.  Choose your battles.  I repeat this to myself often.

Over the years, I've come to the conclusion that there will be many head-scratchers that we would love to know the answer to.  You know, who stuck the poopy diaper to the wall, smearing it up the wall.  Or who stuck the cucumber pieces in my shoe.  How the fresh roll of toilet paper is now soaking wet in the toilet bowl.  Or the now pee-soaked towels.  Who keeps forgetting to flush the toilet.  Or when the toothpaste made its way to the ceiling of the bathroom.  Or why the neighbor just showed up to return little boys clothes to us discovered in his backyard.  I could ask, fight, plead, prod, punish, reward, or do any number of sweet-talk dances with them, but in the end....it really doesn't matter.

It's one of the stories I get to tell about life with boys.  It's another giggle at night with my husband.  It's some unspoken #brocode.

But just out of curiosity, one time at least, I'd love to know who was creative enough to get it up there, what their thought pattern was, and why.  Just why.

Homeschooling Boys

When we embarked on this homeschooling journey six years ago, I had no idea what I was in for, what I was to discover, and what I would learn about kids and more specifically, boys.  But over the years I have come to find the very things I was telling them not to do, are some of the things they need to do to learn and study and succeed.

I've been to homeschooling conventions, read books, and listened to seminars and used online resources.  I've read books on boys, and after having a few boys of my own, watched my kids succeed and grow.  While I don't claim to know it all, or even part of it for that matter, especially since mine are still relatively young (8th, 5th and 3rd grades), I have gleaned a few little nuggets over the years that I'll share with you.

One of the biggest problems with public or private schools for boys is the sheer amount of sitting involved, followed by the need to have quiet, and finished up with limited hands-on activities and more importantly, breaks.  Boys are hard-wired to need to move, make noises, and do what is being talked about.  Truth be told, I would have a hard time sitting through a typical school-day and it's supposedly geared toward me...a fellow female.  Schools aren't horrible and they serve their purpose.  I'm not anti-school.  However, test scores prove that girls thrive in that environment and boys are increasingly not.

One homeschool seminar I attended was with a doctor who studies the brains of boys and girls in different environments.  He shared with us such helpful tips and tricks and insightful information (such as some of the above information on schools), and I also discovered more in his books.  Here are a few ideas he had relayed to us:

• Boys have delayed reaction to information.  They need time to process, to take a break, and sift through the information.  They can take days longer than girls to connect their feelings to words.  
• Boys use more logic than emotion.  Males are highly intelligent when they are problem solving.  
• Boys express and expel emotions physically.  Not as much of their brain is used for emotions as girls.  
• Physical movement for boys can help stimulate an emotional response.  Sitting and talking is not easy for them to access their words.  

Along with this information, he presented to us a few practical ideas and tips to help a boy learn their best.

• Repetitive tapping, while driving females next to insane, actually helps a boy process the information.  Think of it as a compliment!  
• Boys need to get up and about often.  
• Teach to their learning style.  Many boys are hands-on learners.  
• Let them fiddle while listening.  
• Boys need to zone out periodically.  Their brains shut down all the way, except to keep them alive.  They are not processing information at this time like a girls' brain does.  They are "recharging" in a way.  

Another speaker I listened to had these words of advice for boys when learning:

• Most boys don't hear softer sounds as well as girls.  Think of a soft spoken teacher in a noisy classroom.  If you speak loud enough for the boys to hear, the girls think you are yelling at them.  Classrooms can be set up for failure for a boy.
• Boys make repetitive noise instinctively.  This drives girls crazy. 
• Boys draw verbs such as bullets flying, and girls draw nouns like houses and horses.  How we see the world is how we communicate.  Boys are about action.
• Let boys stand at the counter and do math, without limiting them to a single working space.  Make chairs optional.  
• Let boys hurt each other.  If they don't, they'll hurt themselves.  
• Make studying a game, but make sure it is possible to win.  

Does this make it sound like a typical classroom is an impossible environment for a boy to succeed in yet?  It's not impossible, but very difficult.  And I would be very proud of the ones who make it through with flying colors.  They pushed through and persevered despite the odds stacked against them.  When setting up your homeschool classroom or space, and when teaching, keep these things in mind.

Personally, these tips changed the way we homeschool...and with it my boys have thrived.  I have one child who has been known to read upside down on the couch, with his feet on the wall above the couch, his head on the cushion.  He roams the house when I read, but is the first one to recount the details of what I just said or read.  Another one designs mazes for us to complete while I'm reading, or plays Legos.  And another one colors or fiddles with an object.  We have a table for them to sit at when they do their schoolwork but it is extremely rare for them to actually use it.  More often than not, they are on a bed, a couch, the floor, or have made a fort to do schoolwork in.  I let them tap and it drives me crazy.  We take breaks after breaks after breaks.  I've tried both ways, sitting still and being up and about, and I can honestly say that they retain so much more when they are actively doing something.  We have exercise balls, bean bags, and pillows and blankets as our "chairs."  They have been known to do schoolwork on the trampoline, and when they get too wiggly, we break.  I have them re-tell me what I read or said, and have them re-tell me what they read too.  Many of our subjects are hands-on.

We have an non-traditional "school" here, but we have made an environment where the boys thrive.  We have a lot to learn still, but creating this space for them now, has helped them grasp concepts and understand far better than they did when we tried to do "school at home."  We, as homeschoolers, have the privilege of teaching our kids how they learn best.  Why do we try to create the same environment we are trying to shift away from?  Learning comes in so many forms, not just textbooks.  We have tried our hardest to create a learning environment for the boys to excel.

Finding Happiness In A Messy House

"My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji."  I wish I knew who originally said this so I could tell them how much these words made me giggle, and cry.

I used to be embarrassed at the condition of my home.  I dashed around like a mad-woman in sheer terror to pick up and clean the second someone said they were dropping by.  I panicked.  I turned into a psychotic clean-o-matic capable of screaming, shoving cleaning supplies in my kids' hands, and a little bit of head-spinning mixed with amazing agility and speed, such as had never quite been seen before.  That sticky spot on the kitchen floor that's been there for a week?  Gone in a second.  The bird poop on the back of the chair that I hadn't got around to yet?  Vanished in a swipe.  Those totes and tubs that need to get to the garage?  Picked up, and with a spin to grab that dirty sock on the way, placed in the correct spot on the shelf.

And then....I could shut it off as quickly as I turned it on, and smile with a calm disposition (while trying not to show them that I was still out of breath from my previous calisthenics), and greet the human at my door like a civilized adult.  Would you like a cup of hot chocolate?  Perhaps to sit on my freshly cleaned sofa?  Would you like to see the top of my ceiling fan?  Or would you like to visit my clean bathroom?  Just don't open that closet door over there....


I did this until one day I realized five things:
1.  I was trying to show others that I was someone I wasn't.  I was putting on a show.
2.  I was comparing myself to all of the other mom's homes I had visited that looked like magazines.
3.  We homeschool.  Unless you have discovered the magic code, all homeschoolers have messy homes.  (If you have discovered the magic code, please share.)
4.  My kids are seeing a Jekyll and Hyde side of me that shows them that we behave one way at home, and a completely other way when friends come to visit. 
5. I was a maniac.

Living in a messy house means we lived here.  We did life together.  Our priorities were with each other.  While I agree that we should maintain a certain level of cleanliness for bacteria's sake, and we should try to get to those spaces that can border on disease-breeding playgrounds, we can also get dangerously close to our home being an idol.

When I look around at a messy house, and all of the things to be put away, it reminds me again to live life.  That puzzle that now has pieces strung across the floor?  It was fun to put together with three little boy hands.  That cup in the living room that never got picked up?  It was a treat to watch that movie with the boys and break the no-food-in-the-living-room rule.  The dirty sock on the floor?  What a joy to remember the boys shedding their clothes to run outside to play in the water with laughs and shouts of glee.

I'm not advocating we become hoarders and sit lazily around watching the house become a junk yard.  But I am saying let's be real.  Our homes are where we (hopefully) spend time with our loved ones and make memories to last our lifetimes.  I asked my teenager the other day what things I say to him regularly.  He said, "Do the dishes."  "Really?" I asked him.  He followed up with, "And I love you."  Phew!  At least he followed up.  I want him to remember the fun times, the things I said with love, the words spoken that bring life and love to their hearts.  Maybe I'll just add some twinkle lights around the house and call it "retro."

This reminds me of the story of Mary and Martha from Matthew 10:38-42. "As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!' ^'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"  Martha was so worried about the appearance of her home that she neglected the most important thing, the thing that could give her happiness and life...Jesus.  

I pray that my boys know that our home may not be perfect or clean, but it's the love we share together and with our Savior that matters most.  We do attempt to keep up on the things that help us live in cleanliness like dishes, and laundry, and bathrooms.  But everything else can wait when we are spending our time as a family, together. 

If you come to visit now, please know that in our home we do life.  Push those crumbs to the side of the table, move the basket of laundry to be folded over on the couch, and don't open any closet doors for your own safety.  But join in on our shenanigans!  Sit down with us while we chat with you!  Let's enjoy each others' company and talk about the things of the Lord.  

It's A Boy's Life

I love our life with three boys.  While they are a loud, rowdy, and a somewhat stinky bunch, I'm glad I have them.  God gave me these dudes and my life sure has grown with these guys in it.  Psalm 127:3-5 says, "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court."

Boys have so many sides to them.  The tough, rough, and tumbly side.  And the caring, sweet, and I'll-pick-my-mom-flowers-every-time-I-take-the-dogs-for-a-walk side.

I'll take it.

Just two nights ago, they had a wrestling match with their dad on the living room floor.  It was brutal in my eyes.  I've learned over the years that not only do they LIKE this, they ASK for it and even bond over it.  They know to leave Mom out of it.  I usually sit and watch them with a why-is-this-fun-to-you expression frozen on my face.  To me, it hurts.  It's pain and suffering, and not an ounce of fun.  But I'm not a boy, and sometimes you just gotta let the boys do their boy things.

Body noises come with the territory.  It's funny.  Every time.  To them.  While I have to reel them back in from time to time when it gets way too out of hand, they could laugh about this all day long.  They get in trouble when they try something at the table, or in public, but at home, they can be themselves within reason....and I guess these noises, and consequently smells, just come with the territory.

Dirt and stink are just part of it all.  How many times have we been ready to leave and I look outside at the three of them, shirtless, jumping on the trampoline with the sprinkler underneath?  Wet, dirty from the dust, and far from ready to walk out the door.  At least there was water.  Perhaps that could count as their shower for the day?  And stink.  Stinky feet, stinky sports gear, stinky bodily functions, stinky everything. 

I have to remind them to shower, use soap, flush (!), clean their rooms, wear deodorant, and even brush their teeth.  Even at their current teen and pre-teen ages, brushing their teeth seems to be an optional thing.  Like choosing to nap, or take a walk, or visit a friend, or fix a broken toy.  They don't seem to deem it necessary to accomplish daily, so they don't do it.  It's up to Mom to remind them, apparently.  They would have done well as cave-men.

Each of the boys get to go on a date with their mom around once a month or so.  They have learned from their Dad how to treat a lady, and they take it seriously.  They open my doors, offer to pay for our treat, pick me flowers, watch out for me.  They treat me special, like a lady.  As a mom of boys, I really am treated like a princess in my own home.

Manners and organization?  Oh dear, sweet, future daughter-in-laws.  I try.  I really try.

We teach the boys to put on the Armor of God so they can be warriors in this world, we've learned about the Code of Chivalry last year in school, their Dad leads by example, and we teach scripture to them so they know how to behave in light of God's Word.  3 John 1:4 says, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."

While I have so much to learn about the boy world, I have learned so much already.  I'm not perfect, and I'm sure I'll look back at the mistakes I made in raising them.  But I do try hard and with God's help.

I love my three sons.

Rest When Waiting On The Lord

Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on the object we're waiting for.  –Charles Stanley

So many times, our natural instincts and desires are to run from one thing to the next.  Or to be impatient and decide to press forward on our own, without the help of God.  We live one step ahead of God, not wanting to wait for His perfect timing.  It is dangerous to continue like this. Our hearts never have a chance to rest or be at peace if we are constantly in action and moving.  And we teeter on being just outside of His will when we push faster than what God's plan is for us.  

Waiting is a good thing.  There is joy and peace in the waiting.  In the rest.  In the times of peace and tranquility and silence.  There is purpose in it.  We need to obey when God has us rest from ministry, from sports, from activities, from the go-go-go mentality.  These things in themselves are not bad things.  But when they take precedence over God's instruction to wait and slow down, they become bad things.  The word "wait" or a version of it, is in the Bible 180 times.  That is pretty significant.  Here are just a few:

Psalms 27:13-14   I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

Psalms 37:34  Wait for the LORD and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off.

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Isaiah 30:18   Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

Isaiah 40:31   but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Lamentations 3:25   The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

Micah 7:7   But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

Acts 1:4   And while staying with them he ordered them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father

Just as it is good for our bodies to take a break from foods or activities for fasting purposes, it's good for our bodies to take a break from things that can easily become idols in our lives.  Those things that become more of a priority in our hearts than God himself, even ministry.   Isaiah 40:31 says that those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength.  Renewal can only come when we are quiet and still.  We have seasons of doing and seasons of rest.  Those seasons can last many years, or last only a short while.  Our bodies were designed for rest.  He requires that we take one out of seven days a week to rest and renew ourselves.  Eight hours a night, once a week for Sabbath, vacations, and seasons God chooses for us.  

In the stillness, silence, and quiet is when we can hear His voice.  If we're too busy moving and going and doing, His voice is quieted and we can't hear him.  

Sometimes God will give us a choice of waiting, and if we choose not to, stress and anxiety can easily set in.  Sometimes He won't give us a choice, which can come in many forms, but think of health, family needs, disaster, to name a few.  When we wisely choose to deliberately rest and not push and shove our way through life and His promises, peace and joy are at work.  We move in time with Him.   "I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry" Psalm 40:1.  We need to wait patiently.

God's timing is rarely our timing.  We've had many opportunities to force the door open on many occasions, knowing what God promised, but decided to wait instead for His perfect timing.  When we push too hard, too fast, many times what we were hoping for wasn't quite ready, or we miss out on blessings on the other side because of our impatience.  My mom used to say, "If you don't hear from God to move, then wait."  Silence the outside voices and choose God's timing.

"I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope" Psalm 130:5. Thankful for his peace, hope, joy, and so much rest in the waiting, so our strength can be renewed for the tasks ahead.

I Learn As Much As They Do

Homeschooling isn't just for the kids.  I have learned just as much, if not more now, than I ever remember in school.  We learn together!  We learn biblically, academically, physically, emotionally.

With so many subjects, you have to be a master at what you teach...except for the subjects you can use a teacher's manual for and fake your way through.  But then there are those other ones.  The ones you can't fake (at least fake well).  You have to study, be sharp and on top of it, so when the questions start, you have an answer, or at very minimum, a way to find the answer.

I've discovered more about biblical history than I've ever learned before.  Science, English, Manners, Art, Spanish.  We dig deep and in some subjects, even deeper still.  Schooling is so much more than teaching your children.  It is engaging in these subjects yourself, and helping them understand it and learn it just as much, if not more.  It's getting them excited to discover and making what we're learning come alive!

I'm thankful for this opportunity to educate myself again and really want to understand it, not memorizing it for the sake of taking a test.  God's world is truly amazing and this gift of education we are given in America is a precious gift.  Not one to be taken for granted.

Ephesians 5:16-17, "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity...."

Free Weekly Assignment Sheet Printables

Through the years, we've developed different ways to keep track of daily and weekly homeschool assignments.  Here are a few examples of what we've used.  Feel free to download!

*Names changed for privacy

This is a daily assignment sheet that I had laminated and used a dry erase marker on all year long.  It surprisingly held up really well!  This is what it looked like for us:

And here is a free downloadable copy for you:

This is a weekly assignment sheet we had used.  The format and idea came from Pinterest, and I recreated it in Publisher so I could customize it a little bit more.  I printed one of these off a week, and they would cross off their assignments when they were completed.  I found weekly assignments to be much more manageable for me to write out.  This is a copy of what it looked like for us each week.

This is your free downloadable copy:

And here is another version of the weekly assignment sheets.  This is going to change quite a bit, but I'm getting a jump start on it now:

And your downloadable copy:

 I hope this helps!

What Would Your Video Show?

I recently saw a video of two little girls pretending to be their mothers.  They knew the camera was rolling, they called each other by their mother's names, and they behaved and acted just like what they know of their mothers.

While the video had a cute, funny side to it, it made me wonder, how would my kids portray me if they had the chance?  What would A-Day-In-My-Life look like according to my kids?

Would they show me reading my Bible and praying?  Would they show me eating?  Would they show me on the computer?  Would they show me dancing around like a mad woman to music?  Not that I do that.....

Two things stand out to me here:

1.  Kids watch everything we do.  Everything.  Don't kid yourself into thinking they don't see through what you try to hide.  If you say don't eat candy in between meals, but they see you do it in secret, you can't expect them to respect you.  Your hypocrisy shines through.  If you say you should read your Bible and pray every day and they never once have seen you do it, your hypocrisy shines through.  If you say you shouldn't text and drive, and they see you do it, your hypocrisy shines through.  And they will grow up to be versions of you.

2.  I want my life to highlight Christ.  We can have fun and be silly, yes.  But if someone made a video about me, I would want it to showcase Jesus.  What am I doing to make that happen?

This is more a reflective post, a wake-up call, I guess, about what I want my kids to know and remember about their mom and how and what I can change to better reflect Jesus.  I would want them to remember that she loved the Lord first and foremost.  That she sang hymns of praise at every opportunity.  That the Love of God was so evident in her that there was no denying how much she loved her Savior.  Your kids when young, whether you want them to or not, very much reflect what goes on at home.  What would my life video look like?  And what would yours show?

If I'm ever brave enough, I might just ask my kids to make a video for me......

What I've Learned Through Friendship

God gives us such beauty this side of heaven.  Friends and family fulfill such deep holes in ourselves.  God gives us friends to enjoy, help us heal, help us grow, laugh with, and encourage us.  Sometimes these friends can, in our eyes, be good friends or bad friends.  We can learn through both!  They all teach us something.  Proverbs 12:26 says, "The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray."

In all of my friendships (good and bad: Proverbs 18:24), I am always looking to see what I can learn from them and how I can grow through them.  I learn what I like, what I don't like, and how to better myself.  So, if you've crossed my path, thank you.  You've more than likely taught me something!

I've learned to relax at home and not feel guilty.

I've learned to take time for myself and not feel guilty.

I've learned to take my convictions seriously.

I've learned to pray with more confidence.

I've learned how to make small talk and have conversations more easily.

I've learned how not to remember all of the wrongs in my friends.

I've learned how to confront lovingly.

I've learned why it's a good idea to be honest always.

I've learned not to gossip.

I've learned to love unconditionally.

I've learned how to apologize.

I've learned how to decorate my home and love it.

I've learned how to dress modestly.

I've learned that friends can easily turn on you but it's your response that matters.

I've learned how better to lead someone to Christ.

I've learned how to make memories that last with my family.

I've learned to put my family first always.

I've learned the value of friends' input in our lives.

I've learned to let go of the mommy-guilt.

I've learned how to be a better wife.

But most importantly, and above all, I've learned that even though God is Creator, King, Jehovah, Master, Alpha, Omega, Beginning, End, and Everything you need Him to be, He is and wants to continue to be our friend.  And there is no greater friend than Christ Jesus Himself.  Proverbs 18:24, "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

When God Speaks

God speaks in so many ways to us.  Let that sink in.  The God of the Heavens and our earth, the one who created everything in existence (Genesis 1), and could speak another galaxy into place with a breath, speaks to us.  He breathes life into our bodies.  He speaks life to us.  Oh, that our hearts would be full of joy and peace knowing that he loves us enough, and cares about us enough, to speak to us!  Teeny, tiny in comparison to the universe...us!  Never, ever tire or become complacent with God talking to you.  Never take it for granted.  Never wish that He wouldn't.  He loves you enough to speak your name . Isn't that breath taking?

When God speaks, our hearts should ignite!  Our very being should shake with excitement and fear and stand in awe of Him.  Our minds and souls should engage with Him and we should be on the edge of our seats just waiting for His next words.

When God speaks, we listen.  And obey.  As Christians, we have to.  We can't live with both feet in the world and out.  We can't live half in obedience to Christ.  We embrace Him and His Words, or we don't.  There is no in between.  Deuteronomy 11:1 says, "Love the Lord your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always."  John 10:27-28 says, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand."

When God speaks, anything man says won't matter in comparison to His Words.  If He tells you to move, you move.  If He tells you to stay, you stay.  His ways are higher than our ways.  His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.  If we truly trust Him, we will obey.  We disobey when our trust in Him is shaken and we choose to turn away.

God speaks to us in the most creative ways.  He uses His people, His Holy Word, the Holy Spirit, visions, music, nature, friends, and family (Job 33:14-18).  We can hear him when we truly listen.

The enemy will always be there to make you question and doubt what God is telling you to do.  These doubts come in so many forms: friends, family, doubt, fear, timing.  The enemy tells us we will never be enough for God to use.  We will never succeed.  Why would God tell you to do that, go there, or say that?  You must have heard him wrong.

The world tells us we're not right.  That God doesn't exist.  That you can do what you please and still be a Christian.  That there are no rules.  That you are too hard-core.

But that's okay, because my God calls me Redeemed and He's greater.  I don't answer to this world.  I don't answer to family.  I don't answer to friends.  I don't answer to doubt.  I don't answer to fear.  I don't answer to the enemy.  I answer to God!  He knows.  He knows us. He knows our situations and our trials (Matthew 10:29-31).  He knows our triumphs and rejoices with us when we overcome.  We serve a Great, Great, God!

Never tire of saying the name of Jesus.  Never believe the lies of the enemy and the world.  Never compromise.  The God of the Heavens is speaking your name right now.  Listen and obey.

Our Homeschool Beginnings

Our homeschooling journey has been one of ups and ups and more ups.  I look back, and while right now it doesn't seem all that long since we've started, there are days that feel like we've been homeschooling for eons.  Just bein' real.

We started homeschooling six years ago, when my oldest was in 3rd grade.  He had went to a private school for K, 1st, and 2nd, and when the next little one came along, our budget won out and we had a choice to make: homeschool or public school.  At the time, I had three little ones, a photography business, was working part-time still, and at my max at home.  Homeschool?  That's pushing it.  Yet, the alternative wasn't going to cut it either.  

So many of my own fears, desires, and selfishness took over at that point.  Fears that I would mess them up for life if I tried to teach them because really, who am I to teach my kids?  Fears that I wouldn't be "worth" as much as a wife, friend, and in society, that I wasn't contributing anywhere.  Fears that I wouldn't have time because I had a business that needed attending to.  Fears can cripple us if we let them, and prevent us from growing and blooming where God has us.  I can't imagine the outcome, had I let my fears triumph.

In hindsight, I see where God was taking us and what He was doing.  And I'm so very thankful.

I was homeschooled.  I graduated from our home.  My living room to be more exact.  I started from 6th grade and continued on to be a senior.  It was a good thing academically for me, but how could I teach my own kids?  I was caught in the trap that nobody can teach my kids better than a teacher, and  I would only be a dis-service to them.  But again, the budget.

We started looking into homeschooling.  So. Many. Options.  Because of my fears, and consequently my husband's skepticism, we landed on a charter school.  Even that was a huge decision, with a lot of outside voices vying to be heard over our own.  Having an IST/PSP/whatever-else-you-may-call-them tell me what to teach and when was very helpful and exactly what I needed at that time in our homeschool journey.  It had so many benefits (money, help, support) and yet, kind of unfulfilling in a way.  I know, it wasn't MY education...it was my kids.  But there was something missing and I knew it.  God.  God was missing and I didn't like it.  He's supposed to be the center, the core of everything we do and even who we are.  And He was missing from our daily work.  Oh yes, I added Him in there as best as I could, but then, I was re-writing the curriculum...a daunting task!  

With that, my fears subsided, my confidence grew abundantly, and we decided to file our own affidavit with the state and become our own homeschool: Heritage Academy of Academic Studies.  We purchased our own Christian curriculum and we were on our way!  We have been through a gamut of books, curriculum, more books, curriculum, and even more books and curriculum.  I feel like we've tried it all!  But we haven't...not even close.  

What we HAVE landed on, however, is our own style, groove, and way of learning.  The baby learns best by walking around as I read from room to room, another colors or makes mazes for us while he listens, and another will fiddle and doodle.  We rarely have a textbook, and most of our books are living books.  We almost exclusively use Christian curriculum, and we are laid back about learning in general.  We don't do school-at-home.  We homeschool.  We learn with our hands, learn with nature, learn with God.

All of these things we've discovered as we went on our way, over the course of six years.  We didn't start out this way, and I'm sure we'll morph and grow even more as we continue.  But God has given us clear instruction and direction on how to teach our kids, and that's all we need.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Just God directing, and us following.  

8 Reasons To Avoid Magic And Witchcraft

I was recently at a homeschool convention and this time brought the whole crew with me.  Three boys, a husband, and determination to get through the entire vendor hall.  Success!

While we were there, it was brought to my attention that there was a session on Witches, Warlocks, and Magic.  I was curious on their take on this topic as it had been presented to me in different forms and fashions just recently. I purchased the cd (since I missed the session itself) and listened to it at home once we returned.  Something wasn't sitting right.  So, in typical fashion, I pulled out my Bible, started researching, and discovered a few things along the way.  This was something that I had wanted to study for a long while but this event kind of spurred me on to actually do it.  Thank you, Lord, for giving us understanding and freedom to study these things here in our country and form truths based on Your Word alone.

I will share what I found, but please know that these things are my personal findings and convictions. These may not be what you believe or think, and that's okay.   If you choose to comment, please keep it civil.  :)

Here they are, eight points to the discussion of magic:

1. There is no “good” magic.

Magic is evil (Deuteronomy 18:10-14). Magic is in the Bible (1 Samuel 28) to show us the evil and death behind it.  This one account in the Bible does not give us a free license to explore all evil, but cautions us over and over again against it.  King Saul, the king in this biblical encounter brought on his own death by being a part of witchcraft and forsaking God himself.  There are no good witches, good wizards, or good magic (Leviticus 19:26, 31, Leviticus 20:6, 27, Galatians 5:19-21, Exodus 22:18).  God doesn't distinguish between good and bad witches and wizards.  All are evil.  Don't be deceived (Colossians 2:8).

2. We turn the spiritual world into entertainment. 

We make light of the unseen spiritual realms by turning it into something playful.  The spiritual world, angels and demons (Ephesians 6:12) work in battle.  They either protect and defend or destroy and tear apart.  God provides us with angels and our cheapening of their role diminishes God’s Holy power and paints an incorrect picture of the spiritual world.  If we knew what it truly took in the heavenlies, doing battle for our very souls, beyond what we are aware of, we may view it differently.

Scripture is clear what to do with those that practiced witchcraft – they should die (Exodus 22:18).  They didn’t mess around.  It was another god.  So why do we take the practices the witches and sorcerers used and are evil in God’s sight (witchcraft, magic, spells, etc.) so lightly, and turn it into pleasure?

We cannot reject God and his clear instruction to abstain from evil and turn from wickedness (1 Thessalonians 5:22 & 2 Timothy 2:19) just because it is pleasurable.

3. Satan would love nothing more than for us to slowly move toward his realm.

These books, shows, movies take us one step closer each time to being more comfortable with satan’s workings.  We compromise our convictions with a slow and steady pace.  You take one small step into satan’s territory, but because it’s only a step, it doesn’t seem that bad.  Then one small step again, until you are neck-deep, and it’s hard to get out.

Sin doesn’t look like sin.  It looks appealing and attractive.  Pleasurable and interesting.  Many times it comes with the stamp of approval from “godly” leaders.  We are to individually discern that which is good and holy (Hebrews 5:14).

4. Christians should look different than the world.  

Nothing is off limits to the world, so where do we, as Christians, draw the line?

The Bible tells us to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) because the enemy prowls (1 Peter 5:8).  He would love nothing more than to plant seeds of magic, and for magic, sorcery, and witchcraft to be the catalyst that propel us into something deeper and darker.  Most snares of the enemy actually look enticing and good.  They are mostly good, with just a dash of evil and a sprinkle of wickedness so mixed in, that it can be hard to differentiate.

If there is even a hint of question or doubt, why entertain it?  Run from that which is evil, so it is not a snare that takes you down.

God is Holy (Psalm 99:9).  We are called to be holy (Leviticus 19:2).  We are to meditate, think about, pray about, and talk about the things that are Holy (Philippians 4:8), not things of satan like chants, spells, and magic.  Whatever is pure, holy, lovely, think on these things.  Where is your mind when you’re done reading and watching these things?  On God?  Being Holy?  Stand up and be called out among them (2 Corinthians 6:15-18).

We have gone blind when we see nothing wrong with something God has called sin.

Everyone did what was right in their own eyes in Noah’s generation.  And the same is true now, in the end times.  Christians have to set a higher standard than the world.  God’s spirit lives in us (1 John 3:24).  He calls us higher.  Dark and light cannot mix (Luke 11:36).

The more time we spend in the world, the more we will become like the world with no convictions or checks, where the world is about pleasures and what benefits me. The more time we spend with God, the holier we will become, and the easier it will be to recognize the things of the enemy, his tricks and traps. Our spirits will desire God and the things that please Him.

5. We have a responsibility as parents in regards to magic and witchcraft.

As parents, we have the responsibility to talk with our kids about evil, and what types of evil are out there, but to be cautious not to turn it into entertainment and enjoyable watching and reading.  Witchcraft, sorcery, and magic come straight from satan.  These things have no place in heaven or with God’s people, as he inhabits us. 

It is important that our kids know that magic exists, what forms and shapes it can come in, and how to avoid it. What our kids shouldn't be a part of are the media outlets that portray magic as fun, entertainment, enjoyable, pleasure, when they can quote chants and spells, and when they see magic and witchcraft as play.  As Christians, when we watch, read, and see these things, our Spirits should be moved to know that these things are evil. We should have a check in our spirit when we see things of satan. We cannot compromise on that, or we will be taking one small step at a time toward our ultimate destruction.

There’s a fine line between teaching our kids to be in the world but not of it (Romans 12:2, John 15:19), or teaching them how to participate in it.

6. Literature and the arts aren't good enough excuses to practice sorcery.  

Just because these things are in book form – or art, doesn’t make it less evil.  Using it for literary study is the same as using any other evil thing for the same purpose:  porn, lying, stealing, sexual preferences, and other forms of debauchery for the purpose of literature. 

You are going on a journey with the people in the book or movie. They become your friends or enemies as you engage in their story.  You experience their experiences, and you put yourself in their shoes.  If you are actively participating in their activities, you are a participant.  If their activities are holy, so are yours.  If their activities are evil, so are yours.  By watching others be a part of sorcery via movies and books and actively participating, we are opening ourselves to compromise as Christians.  Satan knows no boundaries.  He can use movies and books to lure you in just as well as he can if you attend a séance. 

7. Wait....Isn’t there magic in the Bible?

Yes.  As a matter of fact, there is.  1 Samuel 28 gives us a description of what happened to King Saul when he consulted a medium and Samuel’s ghost appeared to him.  Does this event give us a free license to use magic for sport and entertainment? No. The purpose of the story was to teach us a lesson that magic brings death.  King Saul’s death was brought about because he consulted the medium.  “Saul died because he was unfaithful to the Lord; he did not keep the word of the Lord and even consulted a medium for guidance, and did not inquire of the Lord. So the Lord put him to death and turned the kingdom over to David son of Jesse,”  1 Chronicles 10:13-14.  The focus is on his heart and his demise after he left God and resorted to using witchcraft.  This encounter was to show us the dangers of these practices, and to show us the evil that brought his death.  It does not show us that witchcraft is fun and magical and can be made into a light story.  It is evil at its core and God repeatedly warns us to stay away from it.

8. How is magic and witchcraft different than the other sins and evil we see and read about?

It’s not.  Sin is sin, no exceptions.  You may ask us why we can watch a movie or read a book with adultery, lying, stealing, or murder without shutting it off or closing it up? It is unfortunate these sins exist just as much as magic and that they are portrayed as good.  In our home, we do restrict movies and books that portray sin as good. Even those movies and books made for kids. We do this to keep our hearts pure and not to invite evil and compromise in to our home. We see enough of this in the real world, let alone viewing it as a good thing or even something to be praised.  If a movie had a murder that was portrayed as a positive thing, or a book had an underlying theme showing how to get away with stealing without repercussions, it would not be something we allow.  Do we get sucked back in from time to time and compromise?  Yes.  The enemy is sneaky and when we let our guard down, it’s easy to get snagged back in.  Lord, give us strength. We use the direction of the Holy Spirit to help guide us if we are unsure.  

Being a Christian in our world today is difficult.  It always has been, but the pressures of living wholly for Christ are becoming increasingly more difficult.  God will soon be sifting the wheat from the chaff.  We need to do more of what makes us holy.  We cannot tell ourselves that it's okay to look at witchcraft as long as we don't practice it. “No wicked thing should be set before your eyes, and no wicked thought should enter your heart” (Mat. 5:28; II Cor. 10:5). God is holy, and He will hold all men accountable to His holy infallible words.

Revelation tells us that in the end times, sorcery will be the means by which all nations will be deceived (Revelation 18:23).  And we can see it.  There are more and more movies and books and talk of magic, sorcery, and witchcraft all the time.   

Magic, on the other hand, is summoning satan and those who live with these things will not inherit the Kingdom of God (Galatians 5:19-21). This is God's bitter enemy who would love nothing more than to destroy us. And we're going to give him an easy way in? No thank you. By chanting, spells, boards, magic, summoning the dead, levitation, and a host of other evils, we are exposing ourselves to satan himself and even asking for him. Those are the works of the devil, and where those works are, there he is. You are asking for him to join you. There is only room for one god in your heart.  Who will it be?  Our God is a jealous God (Exodus 34:14) but allows us to choose. He is jealous for our hearts.  He wants us, and loves us.

As a family and as individuals, we will fail, but we will rise again in God’s strength.  As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15).  And for us, that means to get rid of the things that God detests.  We’re a work in progress and we’re miles from perfect, but so very thankful for God’s grace and forgiveness when we slip up again and again.