Adoption Beginnings

"Adoption was a dream that had planted itself in my mind like a seed and I watered it with wishes and fed it with hope."

 -The Adoption Magazine

While I have been saying all along to friends that we are looking into adopting, or we are considering adopting, I finally said it to a friend just this past week: "We are going to adopt, too!"  We ARE going to.  Not we are looking into it.  Not we are considering it.  We are. 

As a little girl, I walked around my house with a trail of six imaginary children behind me as you would imagine a mother duck with her ducklings.  It was upsetting to me when one day my mother closed a door behind me, only to close out some of my "children." 

Having children was always my dream as a girl.  I just wanted to be a mom.  Although I had talents with secretarial and bookkeeping skills, I always just wanted to be a mom.  

When my husband and I talked about having children early in our marriage, we started off with wanting a boy and a girl (as if we had a choice in the matter).  After we had our first boy, CJ, I changed.  Or maybe it's that he changed me.  When we became pregnant with our second child, I knew I wanted another boy, but of course would have been content with either.  The second ultrasound revealed our second boy, Isaiah.  What a joy he has been.  We were going to stop, but I really knew in my heart we weren't done.  After a little convincing and prayer on my husbands part, we were pregnant again, with our third boy, Eli.  

After making our three boys a permanent thing, I didn't really handle it well.  Maybe it was my memories of having six kids as a young girl, maybe it was that I couldn't handle knowing we were officially done, but this caused a major rift in our relationship for awhile.  

It took some time, but we started to heal, and when we did, we talked about having kids again.  At that time, my husband mentioned adoption as opposed to a biological child.  I have always had a soft spot in my heart for kids without parents.  All children deserve a loving home with parents who will guide them and love them.  But never did I think I would be the one to do it.  

That was the seed that was planted and from there it grew in my heart.  Suddenly, it seemed we saw adoption sources everywhere.  We received a random flyer in the mail for an adoption agency.  We seemed to run into family upon family who had adopted, were adopted, or planned on adopting.  A woman asked me to pray for her and a family member at church with adoption.  And unexpectedly we were on a journey to adopting.

Talking with our three boys about adopting, we wanted their honest opinions about it, so we eliminated our personal thoughts and approached them.  Surprisingly, it was unanimous!  They were excited to welcome a brother to our family.  We explained the complications, the long road ahead, the hurt that would take time to heal, the love that we could share, and what God's word says about the orphans and the widows.  All three boys were more than willing to do this.  

"...When widows and children who have no parents are in trouble, take care of them..."

James 1:27 

While I was more eager to get started, my husband felt after praying, that we not pursue adoption, but knew that God would bring the source and situation to us.  Oh, how my heart ached to move forward.  But I have patiently waited.  I have been on the outskirts of two separate situations that were brought to our attention that we did not pursue with adoption but could have had we felt led in that direction.  I believe God was showing us how easy it is going to be to adopt.  Meanwhile we have been preparing in small ways for a couple of years with small, little things: buying that fourth stocking for Christmas, preparing our home in ways that will accommodate a fourth child, reading articles on adoption, praying, and talking with others who have went down this path.

Just a week ago an agency called us back that we had initially contacted at the beginning of the year.  We hadn't heard anything back, so assumed it was a closed door.  When they called, they told us to wait until the beginning of next year to begin paperwork, but they are excited to start working with us!  We have been busily working on our house.  We have been working on our hearts.  We have been working on as much as we can to prepare our hearts and home for another little child to love on and call ours.  

While we pray and wait, we have been praying specifically for the next member of our little family that will join us.  We pray he will be God's perfect fit for our family, that he will settle right in with us, that God will protect him even now, that God will prepare his heart for a permanent home transition, that God will show him how much he's loved.  

Train Up A Child

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."  (Proverbs 22:6) 

What does it mean to train up a child in the way he should go? The definition of “train” is: “to develop or form the habits, thoughts,or behavior of (a child or other person) by discipline and instruction.”  What is the "way he should go"?  The way he should go is God's way.  As parents, we are to train our children to go God's way.  What a responsibility and yet potentially rewarding task!  

In looking for help with training our boys in God's ways and in practical ways at home, we have looked to scripture.  There are many Bible verses about children, how to train them, and what blessings they are: Deuteronomy 11:19, Deuteronomy 4:9, Proverbs 1:8-9, Proverbs 29:17, Ephesians 6:4, Deuteronomy 6:7, Proverbs 22:6, Luke 18:15-17, Mark 10:13-16, 2 Timothy 3:14-15, Psalm 127:3-5, just to name a few.  (See below to read all scriptures)

As homeschoolers, we have an opportunity to teach our boys all day long in God's ways.  This has proved to be one of the biggest blessings we have.  When we first began our homeschooling journey in 2011, we used a charter school for one school year.  This was the kick start we needed to get our feet wet and propel us on to discovering all of the benefits that homeschooling has to offer.  We are now our own private school, and with that comes flexibility we wouldn't have otherwise had with curriculum and with training the boys the way we feel God is having us do.  There are days we skip the day’s schoolwork to dig deeper into the Bible, or to focus on the Bible topic our curriculum has us learning right now.  My boys tend to learn the best when we can learn about what interests them at that moment, not when the curriculum dictates what we should learn and when.  This is especially true of Bible topics.  The most important thing we can teach our children is about God.  While we are a blessed nation where our children are able to learn, read, and write, we are even more blessed that we can learn, read, write, and study freely about our God.  And to us, that is far more important than traditional education. 

In Deuteronomy 6:7, God says, "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."  In context, this scripture was speaking of the Ten Commandments.  But along with the Ten Commandments (which is one of many scriptures we are memorizing this school year), we include all topics of the Bible.  We read straight from the Bible together and discuss what we read, we have family conversations about God's principles, his love, his forgiveness, his laws, his protection, his disciplines and promises.  We put scripture up and around our house, we talk in the car together about God, we worship together, we listen to Christian audio books that encourage godly character, the boys get one-on-one time with their dad who encourages and trains them in God's word, we pray together through the day and again at night about the things that we've discussed through the day, we memorize scriptures as part of our schoolwork, we study the scripture together, and we stop and make time for questions as they arise.

We don’t rely on programs, or even Sunday School, or church to teach and train them the fundamentals of what they should know.  These things come from our home as we have the responsibility and privilege to teach and train our kids first and foremost about God, as the Bible tells us to.  All else we consider supplementary and the “icing on the cake.”

These suggestions are not a complete, all-encompassing list of what we feel we should be doing.  It’s just a beginning of where God has brought us and where he’s taking us on our family journey of being closer with him.  We are doing our best to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4) and do our best not to “hinder the little children” to go to Christ (Luke 18:15-17), but instead provide as much opportunity for them to drink deeply of our Savior. 

And while I realize I've listed the things we do together, the biggest and most important thing is for our kids to see God's work in action, through us as their parents.  They watch what we do.  In school, they learn from seeing how to do a task or problem.  And in the same way, they watch how we, as their parents, act and behave spiritually, too.  Do they see us worshiping?  Do they see us praying?  Do they see us reading our Bible?  Do they see us reaching out to others?  I'm reminded of the saying, "Monkey see, monkey do."  

We have much to learn, but we’re open and willing for God to guide us and our young boys to him!  

You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

(Deuteronomy 11:19 ESV)

“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children–
(Deuteronomy 4:9 ESV)

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.
(Proverbs 1:8-9 ESV)

Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
(Proverbs 29:17 ESV)

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
(Ephesians 6:4 ESV)

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
(Deuteronomy 6:7 ESV)

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Proverbs 22:6 ESV)

Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”
(Luke 18:15-17 ESV)

And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
(Mark 10:13-16 ESV)

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
(2 Timothy 3:14-15 Holy Bible ESV)

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
(Psalms 127:3-5 ESV)

Thankful

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good.  His love endures forever!

Psalm 136

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.

His love endures forever.

2 

Give thanks to the God of gods.

His love endures forever.

3 

Give thanks to the Lord of lords:

His love endures forever.

4 

to him who alone does great wonders,

His love endures forever.

5 

who by his understanding made the heavens,

His love endures forever.

6 

who spread out the earth upon the waters,

His love endures forever.

7 

who made the great lights—

His love endures forever.

8 

the sun to govern the day,

His love endures forever.

9 

the moon and stars to govern the night;

His love endures forever.

10 

to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt

His love endures forever.

11 

and brought Israel out from among them

His love endures forever.

12 

with a mighty hand and outstretched arm;

His love endures forever.

13 

to him who divided the Red Sea[a] asunder

His love endures forever.

14 

and brought Israel through the midst of it,

His love endures forever.

15 

but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea;

His love endures forever.

16 

to him who led his people through the wilderness;

His love endures forever.

17 

to him who struck down great kings,

His love endures forever.

18 

and killed mighty kings—

His love endures forever.

19 

Sihon king of the Amorites

His love endures forever.

20 

and Og king of Bashan—

His love endures forever.

21 

and gave their land as an inheritance,

His love endures forever.

22 

an inheritance to his servant Israel.

His love endures forever.

23 

He remembered us in our low estate

His love endures forever.

24 

and freed us from our enemies.

His love endures forever.

25 

He gives food to every creature.

His love endures forever.

26 

Give thanks to the God of heaven.

His love endures forever.

We made these fingerprint trees in the art class I help with at our Homeschool Coop.  Using tempera paint, we added colorful, fall fingerprints to the branches.  Follow this link to a FREE downloadable copy of the tree template!  http://styleunveiled.com/wedding-fingerprint-tree/

Discovery of Eye Therapy & Vision Information Processing

It's hard for me to find a starting point when talking about eye therapy and Vision Information Processing.  I usually begin way back when my son, CJ, was a tiny tyke.  But I promise I won't talk about every little adorable thing he did along his 12 year life journey so far - although it's all really cute!

Do you ever doubt yourself?  Or think you're making something small into a bigger thing than it needs to be?  Well, I had moments of this, but mostly I just knew.  I knew something wasn't clicking, something wasn't quite working properly but I couldn't explain it.  Even from Kindergarten, even though all of his teachers swore there was no problem because he was so sweet (well, they were right...he's perfectly sweet).  I wrote out the following in hopes that I could find someone who would read it and offer the perfect solution.  But it just wasn't coming.

The following was written out of frustration and desperation for help from somewhere, anywhere:

My oldest son, now 12 in grade 6, was born premature and I was told he would be behind his peers up until around age 8 or so.  I firmly believe that his beginning in the world played a part in his educational delay, but that there is something else at play as well.  As the years have progressed, I noticed his low motivation level and lack of enthusiasm and what appears to be laziness in every area of life have remained the same.  When going from a private school to deciding to homeschool beginning in 3^rd grade, I figured that was the answer and that I could motivate him to do his studies because I know him best.  While I believe I’ve helped him in more ways than the school ever could have, I still struggle daily with his motivation.  He is not a bad child in any sense of the word.  As a matter of fact, most people will tell me what a joy it is to talk with him.  When it comes to doing the work that requires a paper and pencil, his mind seems to wander and he could sit in the same seat all day long, happy as a lark, just day dreaming or staring off into nothing.  If you remind him to do his work, he will…for a minute or two.  Then he’ll be back to staring off.  It’s constant nagging, it feels, on my part, for him to finish his schoolwork.  I have got to the point where I let him know I am available as a teacher on-duty until 2pm (we start at 9am typically), and after that point, I will not be sitting with him.  If he has a question, he can ask, but I will not harp on him all day as I only have so much patience I can offer – and many other tasks to get done, not to mention two other younger brothers of his to school also.  And yes, he can finish his work in that amount of time easily.  After 2pm, I’m off duty, and any activities that happen after that he cannot participate in until his schoolwork is finished.  That never seems to be motivation enough.  If I allow him to have a break during the day (such as jumping on the trampoline, riding a bike, or getting up and away from his schoolwork), I pretty much lose his attention the rest of the day. 

Many days he is still working on school up until bed time.  I’ve had friends tell me he’s just being lazy and we need to punish him.  We’ve tried punishments (such as losing activities), which I guess I would consider more consequences than punishments.  We’ve tried taking things away but he doesn’t care.  He could play with the fuzz on the carpet and turn it into one army of carpet fuzz against another…which shows his creativity when he wants to!  He does like the hands-on learning style, however, in 6^th grade, it is almost impossible to do math or English or reading as hands-on, although he will listen to audio books just fine.  I can do hands-on to a point, but there does come a time when you just have to write something down or read it.  Our history and science lessons are all hands on and very little book work.  Writing was with a coop together once a week with homework to bring back the following week but we ended it because he just couldn’t keep up with the pace, even though it was under grade level.  We’ve tried rewards where if he gets his work done by a certain time of day (far more than it should take), he gets to go on a date with mom or dad – his choice.  Every reward system we put in place will work for a week or two and then it loses steam and we’re back to the same un-motivation.  I say “almost work” because he will get close to being done, but never quite finish it.

Let me explain a typical day and his personality.  He is the sweetest child, can talk with anyone young or old, loves others and little children, and loves God.  Most people would never think there is a “problem” with him just from meeting him and knowing him.  His talking is slow, deliberate, at times uncomfortable with awkward pauses, and at times he will repeat the first few words of the sentence he just said over one or two times, before finishing the thought.  Almost like he is thinking through what he’s going to say, but he has a hard time getting it out.  He has never seemed to have one passion/hobby/love.  He dabbles in many things but has never stuck to one thing.  He understands what he’s learning even though he says it’s hard, he CAN do his schoolwork quickly when he wants to (if I threaten to have him skip out of an activity because he’s not done), he’s careless when it comes to specifics (for example, in math, the answers WOULD be correct if he would line his numbers up correctly – which he does know how to do just doesn’t), and works slowly on any project given in schoolwork/chores/fun activities.  He has one speed and it’s slow.  The only time I’ve seen him work fast is when he was going to lose a beloved activity (usually a sleepover that had been planned, or activity with his friends).  He will go into a panic mode to get it done and then it’s done sloppy with many mistakes.  He does play with his two younger brothers well, with their toys, and with his own toys.  He likes legos, action figures, trading cards, going to P.E. with other homeschoolers, listening to music, and talking with and being around people.  My words doing school time are typically along the lines of, “You need to concentrate on your work,” “Focus on what you’re doing,” “Great job with those two problems you have done.  You did them right!  Let’s keep moving now...” “Where are you at on that?” “Have you made any progress?” “What are you thinking about?” “You need to get going!”

I’ve read online about dyslexia and he doesn’t seem to portray the signs for that.  I’ve also researched different maturity delays and disabilities and I can’t say he entirely fits into them.  I hesitate to take him to a doctor as I already know he will most likely be diagnosed with a general disability and medicated. 

Let me tell you what I’ve done/tried, as many of my friends and family have offered solutions that we’ve already tried (for many weeks in a row, not just a few days, just to give them all a fair chance). 

-Limited schoolwork

-Went back grades on schoolwork

-Sat over him to make sure he wasn’t getting distracted

-Earphones with soft music (tried different genres) playing to drown out noise

-Blank, empty space to work distraction free

-Discussions on what is happening with his schoolwork, why he can’t concentrate, etc.

-Visits to the chiropractor for natural help

-Does not play video games except for occasionally

-Set schedule to give him consistency

-Punishments (loss of activities)

-Rewards (date nights with mom or dad as his love language is quality time and words of affirmation)

-Researched and had him tested for different learning disabilities (dyslexia, etc.)

There is an overall lack of motivation, what is perceived to be laziness, and lack of enthusiasm for any one thing – especially schoolwork.

My husband and I took time specifically at the end of one church service a few months back to go to the altar together to pray for our son.  We knew we didn't have the answers, but we know the One who does.  

After signing him up at our local homeschool coop to participate in an English Literature class with fellow middle school and Jr. High-ers, it took all of a month for the teacher to approach me with concerns of her own.  She seemed to understand him, almost like she had seen it before.  She asked me if he behaved certain ways or thought certain ways and my answer was always a resounding YES!  My excitement grew as she started talking about eye therapy, vision information disorders, right brain and left brain, corpus callosum, and a host of other things that made no sense at the time.  But she suggested eye therapy and seemed to think it could be "fixed" within a short time.

She gave me this checkoff chart to see if any of them fit:

(Courtesy of Oregon Optometric Physicians Association: www.oregonoptometry.org)

I checked off so many of those that my heart started to pound faster in amazement that I may have found a solution to our circumstance, and in complete terror that I had checked off so many.

I took it back to her and she just nodded along as I rambled on about how much that pamphlet said about his personality and how I could help him.  And then she gave me a couple of more local places that actually offer eye therapy and help with Vision Information Processing.  Oh yes...I set up appointments right away.

THANK YOU, LORD!  He had heard our prayers, cries, and our heart.  While this journey is going to be long, we have a journey to go on!